Recently, I scrolled upon a GIF that said, “Forget about being cool. I want to be so kind that it freaks people out.”

I thought, “SAME.” Then, I thought about all the time I spent trying to be cool, imagining myself as the cool kid, pretending that I was someone else that was cool, practicing being cool in the mirror (damn, it was cringe), and in doing so, *not* being kind OR cool… It was a lot of time, to be honest, and I regret it. I massively regret it.

All of that time led to years of masking myself. If you’ve never heard of the term “masking,” it’s exactly what it sounds like it is — imagine being a chameleon, changing the way the world sees and interprets the outer you all the while wrestling with the person you are at your core — masking the person you are with the person you think the world wants you to be. Living as a puppet, really.

When it comes to human evolution, it makes sense. We *need* to belong. Belonging is a foundational human need for longterm survival. It makes sense that we would change ourselves to fit-in in an effort to thrive as humans. But, survival looks different than it did hundreds of thousands of years ago (for many of us, any way). We mask for a variety of reasons but the goal is still the same — to belong.

How does masking relate to being kind? Well, along with masking myself, I found that I fell into the habit of people-pleasing. Desperately wanting to be loved by all, I would pretend to be okay — even enthusiastic — about anything if it would lead to others approving of me. Everything from political beliefs, religion, clothing, hair style, coffee flavor, parenting styles, music taste….the pressure of conforming myself whirled around me like some sort of tropical storm leaving devastation in its wake — bits and pieces of me strewn about like splatters of paint on a canvas, messy. In the end, it was devastatingly…beautiful. It woke me, revived me (“woke” isn’t a bad word, by the way, *winky face*).

People-pleasing leads to a diluted vision of what it means to be kind, I think. If you’re constantly looking for approval from, well, everyone….then your kindness isn’t actually genuine. It’s faux kindness. It isn’t real. *You’re* not real — and that’s soul-crushing. *You* need to be who *you* are — regardless of outside opinion, judgement, influence (faux kindness is actually cruel, when you think about it).

So, yes — FUCK being cool. I want to be so genuinely kind it FREAKS people out, without abandoning my sense of self, my passions, my oddness, my soul. There will be people that dislike me…even *loathe* me for who I am. Does that hurt? Yes. It does. Because I know I’m a good human, at the core, despite my daily mistakes.

But, that’s okay. Hurting is part of life. Accepting hurt is part of life. It’s worth it to be authentic…to live authentically. Living authentically can also hurt — even burn sometimes. Embrace. The. Burn. Your soul deserves to be on fire.

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